Ugh, I can't hide it anymore

[Depu Techiikue]

Ugh, I don't know what to do anymore. But, you all should know I usually know how to handle different problems that occur in my life, as I've demonstrated by never posting about any problems I'm having or anything, unless it gets to the point where I can't do it alone anymore. But I can't talk to anyone about this problem in my family, as my father's side hates my mother's side, and my mother's side hates my father's side, and then everyone in both sides don't really care about people on their own sides. Our family is just a dysfunctional group of kids, if you will. So I can't talk to my dad's side, because this problem is related to my mother. And the only person I can talk to about this on my mother's side is my grandmother, because she's the only one on my mother's side who will do anything she can to help my mother. But even talking to her is becoming a burden because even she is starting to speak badly of what my mother is doing, and related things. And none of my friends know about what I'm going through... ever. I'm very good at hiding my sadness or sorrow, pain, or whatever I'm going through. I'm not the type to sit there and talk about my problems because I know so many people don't really give a damn. But there are times when you absolutely have to, and request guidance, request answers, request help. And that's why I'm posting this.

Basically... as some of you may recall, a little under two years ago, when my step-father passed away, he did something bad that put his freedom in danger if he wouldn't have slain, and since my mother was involved, she was given the same circumstances. I'm not going to go into the details, as they're not needed. Anyway, it's coming close to the time when the lawsuit will come up, and my mother's lawyer has been saying she will be spending at least 5 years in prison for this incident, but he will try to keep it shorter than that. So, about 12 weeks ago... my mother just up and ran away. No one has seen her, heard from her, anything. And whenever she's in trouble, or in a mentally painful situation, she calls me and talks to me about it, she said I bring her comfort when I talk to her. Well, she hasn't even called me... or tried to contact me in any way. It's been 12 weeks since I last saw her, and it was shortly after I got upset with her over something, which I will not go into detail about again. Anyway, I wasn't talking with her much because of the incident, and I felt guilty about it. Then I found out from my grandmother that she left. Well, I wasn't surprised... because, well, my mother usually leaves for 4-5 days at a time, because she's heavily into drugs (she has been since before I was born), and goes out and "gets her fix" with people she knows involved in the drug game. So at first I thought, "Okay... she's just doing her stupid shit." But five days passed... I called my grandmother and asked her if my mother had come back yet, and she said no. By this time, I thought maybe she had gone to jail for a few days or something, trying to avoid assuming the worst.

Well, two weeks passed by, and still no word or anything from my mother. I called my grandmother again and asked her if she had heard anything, she said no. So, my grandmother put out a Missing Person notification for the local missing people list. Just about a week and a half ago, a detective started working on the case and is trying to find my mother, but they've had no luck yet. So of course, this has been putting a LOT of heavy stress on me, not knowing if my mother is okay, alive, clean, all that. And it makes me even more stressed out when I think about the fact that this is also effecting my 8 year old little brother. It's effecting me a lot because he's going through his life right now without his mother there, and I know exactly what that is like. But luckily in his case, he lives with my aunt and uncle, so he at least has a family he can call "mom and dad". But what can you for someone as young as him when he calls you asking if you've heard from his mother? It tore me apart this last weekend when he called me asking that. We have to keep telling him everything is alright, even though we ourselves have no idea if it is or not.

I've gotten to the point where I don't know what to do anymore... thinking about this just stresses me out to the point where I can't sleep, I don't act like myself around my friends, I don't know how to stop thinking about this. There's no way in hell I'm going to see a psychologist or anything related, I don't need some one telling me things I already know while stealing my money in the process. What do you guys think I should do, as to go about trying to forget about this? Not essentialy forget about it... but get to the point where I don't have to haunt myself thinking about it. I know since I'm 19, I should be too "mature" to be "freaking out" about this, but there's more to it than I said in here. There are way more factors involved that I didn't share, because it's hard enough for me to deal with them even when I don't talk about them. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can go about trying to help find her? Her best friend who currently lives in Haiwii sent my mother a letter right before my mother ran away, and in the letter she said "Sometimes it's better to face the truth than to run away"... I have no idea what that means as far as the context of the situation... but I'm fearing something happening to my mother knowing the type of people she stays around, and knowing the type of person she is, and what drugs to her...

Ugh, I'm lost... And for reference, I put this in mature general discussions, because this is something that requires more "thought" than something posted in Our Lives.

[Xyrin]

That's harsh...

I have no relation to how you are feeling.

My parents are both clean (For the most part anyways..I know they do SOME drugs, but I've never brought it up with them about it..I just act as if nothing is happening.)

This actually looks like something from a dream..Next time your brother asks you, just tell him you'll call him when you get word of something. So you don't have to tell him "Everything is alright" everytime he calls. It will just cause more stress on yourself and him.

And I'm not going to lie, something could of happend to your mother, or she could of simply just ran away. Maybe she hasn't called you because she doesn't want to be found..maybe she hasn't because of worse reasons, I don't know..

So far, it looks like you've been very mature..I see no immaturity in what you have done thus far. So stop putting yourself down.

You are more worried about others than yourself..That is one of the most mature thing a person could ever do. On the side that there is nothing you can do to find your mother other than what you've already done.. Try to focus on your own life. I know it's hard..I know it's difficult, thinking about her every passing second. But try and "forget" about her...

If there was something you could do, my advice would be different, but since there is litteraly nothing you can possibly do to help your mom, the best thing to do is forget about her right now..

Go out with friends, take your brother to the movies, do something.

Just wait for news..and sadly, that's all I can say.

I'm deeply sorry for what's happend though..I wish for the best of you and your family.

[Depu Techiikue]

That's harsh...

I have no relation to how you are feeling.

My parents are both clean (For the most part anyways..I know they do SOME drugs, but I've never brought it up with them about it..I just act as if nothing is happening.)

This actually looks like something from a dream..Next time your brother asks you, just tell him you'll call him when you get word of something. So you don't have to tell him "Everything is alright" everytime he calls. It will just cause more stress on yourself and him.

Yeah I wanted to do that, but I also don't want to put a burden on him about this too. I'm not too sure what all he knows, the only information he finds out about this situation is what my grandmother tells him when he goes to stay over there, so I just kind of stay out of it and just relay what information she gives him. I think he's too young to have thoughts of something happening to his mother, even if she's absent in his life most of the time.

And I'm not going to lie, something could of happend to your mother, or she could of simply just ran away. Maybe she hasn't called you because she doesn't want to be found..maybe she hasn't because of worse reasons, I don't know..

So far, it looks like you've been very mature..I see no immaturity in what you have done thus far. So stop putting yourself down.

You are more worried about others than yourself..That is one of the most mature thing a person could ever do. On the side that there is nothing you can do to find your mother other than what you've already done.. Try to focus on your own life. I know it's hard..I know it's difficult, thinking about her every passing second. But try and "forget" about her...

Yeah, that's true. I try to avoid assuming the worst in what's going on... but I can't say I'd be surprised if something did happen to her... but I don't want that to be the case. Another thing that's been bothering me is I gave her $150 to pay for something, and she didn't use all of the money for what she was supposed to... so I have no idea what's going on with that either. I'm hoping on everything that she didn't use it on drugs, because that would tear me apart too... it'd be almost like I'm just buying them for her and giving them to her. I know I shouldn't have given her the money when I knew her problem... but I can't turn away someone I love when they're in need of help, and I know I can do something to help them. I feel so stupid for doing such a thing. :(

If there was something you could do, my advice would be different, but since there is litteraly nothing you can possibly do to help your mom, the best thing to do is forget about her right now..

Go out with friends, take your brother to the movies, do something.

Just wait for news..and sadly, that's all I can say.

I'm deeply sorry for what's happend though..I wish for the best of you and your family.

Thanks for the response, it was reassuring. The only thing I hate about hanging out with my friends is we usually go to someone's house later in the night, and I see them all happy with their parents... and I immediately start thinking about "Where could my mother be?" It's like a natural reaction now. :| ;(

[Xyrin]

Don't go over to their house then. Do something to get your mind off of everything.

Play videogames (Blowing shit up takes my mind off of things.)

Watch a HALARIOUS movie that you havn't seen yet. (I watched the Ringer after hearing the worst news in my life and I still laughed.)

Do something to get your life a bit back together.. If not anything, still, take your brother to the movies. You both need it.

[Dusk]

I'm so sorry to hear about this, I wish I could say something to help you but I really can't. Something similar happened to my cousin, her dad just up and ran not quite like your situation though as she ran for different reasons but it is just like playing the waiting game.

I think she just needs to sort her head out, she's not really thinking about you or your little brother, but I guess it's really hard to when your in that situation where she may not even see you or him for 5 years. I just hope she comes back for your sake and your brother's, my suggestion would just be try to follow Xyrin's you really need to try to take your mind of it, *hug* sorry to hear about it ;__;

[Tsuji]

Whoa, thats really horrible dude, I really don't know what to say, that's really horrific. >_< After reading up on what happened, I don't think there's much you can do at this very moment, it's like Xyrin and Dom said, you don't have much of a choice but to wait. Like Xyrin said, try to get things off of your mind though, even though it's extremely hard right now, which it is, just try to get things off your mind. I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to be extremely worried either(I only mean that the nice way for you, Kryt), even though you are right now, which is really natural but... try to sort things out for yourself, try the advice of Xyrin.
Again I'm really sorry to hear this Kryt, you know you always have us if you feel like venting anything... other than Xyrin's and Dom's advice, I don't know what else I could say that could be of help. I'm really sorry, dude =\ >-<

[Depu Techiikue]

Don't go over to their house then. Do something to get your mind off of everything.

Play videogames (Blowing shit up takes my mind off of things.)

Watch a HALARIOUS movie that you havn't seen yet. (I watched the Ringer after hearing the worst news in my life and I still laughed.)

Do something to get your life a bit back together.. If not anything, still, take your brother to the movies. You both need it.

Yeah, that seems like a logical thing to do, but if I stop going to their houses, they will suspect something is up, they can easilly tell when something's really bothering me, and I usually wind up letting them know, just so they know how much space I need. Like for example, the day I found out my step father died the night before, it was my friend's birthday party and all day long I said nothing all day except when I was asked a question... I originally didn't want to go, but I made a promise I'd go.

I mean, I can still function normal when it comes to doing things, I can still laugh and all that. But, I just keep worrying about it, and it messes with me on a level that I can't describe. :confused:

I'm so sorry to hear about this, I wish I could say something to help you but I really can't. Something similar happened to my cousin, her dad just up and ran not quite like your situation though as she ran for different reasons but it is just like playing the waiting game.

I think she just needs to sort her head out, she's not really thinking about you or your little brother, but I guess it's really hard to when your in that situation where she may not even see you or him for 5 years. I just hope she comes back for your sake and your brother's, my suggestion would just be try to follow Xyrin's you really need to try to take your mind of it, *hug* sorry to hear about it ;__;

True. Although I'm not too worried about my brother when he's around my aunt and uncle, because I know they keep him in high spirits and he's able to have a good time, and since he's still young these kinds of things don't bother him as much, but I know it's eating at him too. I talked to my grandmother earlier this morning, and she still hasn't heard anything, either from my mother or from the detective who's trying to find her.

But the weird thing is... around when my mother first ran away, her car was found somewhere in Mulkilteo and it was impounded, and someone called the impound and asked for the car back, and the guy said no, so the woman started crying and begging for them to negotiate something for her to get the car back. So the guy said if she comes by the next day they can work something out. Well the next day rolls by, and no one comes for the car, or the day after, or the day after... so we know that her car is still sitting in the impound lot. :confused: :|

Whoa, thats really horrible dude, I really don't know what to say, that's really horrific. >_< After reading up on what happened, I don't think there's much you can do at this very moment, it's like Xyrin and Dom said, you don't have much of a choice but to wait. Like Xyrin said, try to get things off of your mind though, even though it's extremely hard right now, which it is, just try to get things off your mind. I'm sure your mother wouldn't want you to be extremely worried either(I only mean that the nice way for you, Kryt), even though you are right now, which is really natural but... try to sort things out for yourself, try the advice of Xyrin.
Again I'm really sorry to hear this Kryt, you know you always have us if you feel like venting anything... other than Xyrin's and Dom's advice, I don't know what else I could say that could be of help. I'm really sorry, dude =\ >-<

This is true also. Yeah, I know it only makes things worse by worrying so much over, but if she's hanging out with the people she usually does when doing these types of things, then I just get more worried because she usally winds up sustaining some type of injury. She's the type of person who, if you piss her off, she gets in your face and says things to piss you off so you'll hit her, then she'll try to attack you whether if she can win or lose. Just a few months ago, I decided not to drive to school, and my mother said she'd come pick me up from school and take me out for lunch for my good grades (I know, that seems lame). Well, she came an hour and a half after I got out of class, and my dad got pissed off and came up to pick me up, and right when he arrived she did too. She apologized and took me back to my house so I could drop my stuff off, and my father mentioned she was late and needs to stop putting her drugs before everything else. Of course, that made her mad, so she started cussing at my dad, and my father got in her face and they started screaming at each other, my mother saying "I'm going to have you killed blah blah" and my dad saying "Get out of my house before I do something I regret, blah blah" same shit different day between them. They wound up hitting each other but I got in there and stopped them. =\ My father is the same way as her in that sense, though, says things to your face to make you want to hit him.

But anyway, my mother is always like this, so I know these stupid people she hangs out will do something worse than what happened between my mother and father. My father held himself back because he knows how much I love my mother, but these drug people won't hold back.

Ugh, it's hard just thinking about the possibilities of the situation. :confused:

[Mirae]

Geez Kryt that's really something >_< Sad is I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I'll try for sure~


Yeah, that seems like a logical thing to do, but if I stop going to their houses, they will suspect something is up, they can easilly tell when something's really bothering me, and I usually wind up letting them know, just so they know how much space I need. Like for example, the day I found out my step father died the night before, it was my friend's birthday party and all day long I said nothing all day except when I was asked a question... I originally didn't want to go, but I made a promise I'd go.
First off, as Xy said, you should start thinking of what you feel as well...although it's very pure that you think of others' feelings above your own, there comes a time when you have to think of yourself too. If it pains you to stop going to their houses, just don't go to their houses! Just go out a bit later and just go to the cinema or something, then come back home.





This is true also. Yeah, I know it only makes things worse by worrying so much over, but if she's hanging out with the people she usually does when doing these types of things, then I just get more worried because she usally winds up sustaining some type of injury. She's the type of person who, if you piss her off, she gets in your face and says things to piss you off so you'll hit her, then she'll try to attack you whether if she can win or lose. Just a few months ago, I decided not to drive to school, and my mother said she'd come pick me up from school and take me out for lunch for my good grades (I know, that seems lame). Well, she came an hour and a half after I got out of class, and my dad got pissed off and came up to pick me up, and right when he arrived she did too. She apologized and took me back to my house so I could drop my stuff off, and my father mentioned she was late and needs to stop putting her drugs before everything else. Of course, that made her mad, so she started cussing at my dad, and my father got in her face and they started screaming at each other, my mother saying "I'm going to have you killed blah blah" and my dad saying "Get out of my house before I do something I regret, blah blah" same shit different day between them. They wound up hitting each other but I got in there and stopped them. =\ My father is the same way as her in that sense, though, says things to your face to make you want to hit him.

But anyway, my mother is always like this, so I know these stupid people she hangs out will do something worse than what happened between my mother and father. My father held himself back because he knows how much I love my mother, but these drug people won't hold back.

Ugh, it's hard just thinking about the possibilities of the situation. :confused:
>_< That's horrible, I know this isn't much help but don't worry TOO much over it, alright? :/ Of COURSE you're going to worry, that's only natural, it's your mother...but don't overdo it to the point that it affects your mind and body badly, I'm sure your mom wouldn't want you to feel that way...*hugs*
Don't shut yourself in mentally either, sometimes people have to share things to feel better...that's what friends are for right? If they're friends they will listen & try to help with your problem.

I know this probably isn't much help, but I'm ALWAYS there for anyone that needs to vent a problem, even if I can't help, I'll listen. Don't stress too much kay? :(

Also, please don't take this offensively, as I truly don't mean it to be offensive at all...but when your mother comes back, is there any way you can get her to join a rehabillation (I can't spell that word ><) center so she can try & quit the drugs? :/ Just ignore this though for the moment, there's more important things than this atm, like hoping she's safe (I really do hope so for you, I'm not religious and don't really pray, but I'll keep her in my thoughts for you), and your own mental state...take care of yourself too

[Depu Techiikue]

Geez Kryt that's really something >_< Sad is I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but I'll try for sure~

First off, as Xy said, you should start thinking of what you feel as well...although it's very pure that you think of others' feelings above your own, there comes a time when you have to think of yourself too. If it pains you to stop going to their houses, just don't go to their houses! Just go out a bit later and just go to the cinema or something, then come back home.

Yeah, you're right I guess. That's one of the main reasons I'm effected by this stuff, cause when I start feeling bad about it, I know my little brother and my neice are effected by it too. And it makes me feel worse about it. I don't know how to stop doing that anymore, I've been doing it for so long. Sometimes I feel like it's a never ending cycle.

As odd as this sounds, my sister is trying to convince me to write an autobiography and let all these people read it who put this stress on me, and let them see what kind of things I did and went through when they pulled their little spasms, so they became knowledgeable on what happened. I find no purpose in it though. I don't see what doing such a thing would accomplish. My sister wrote her life story while spending nine months in a correctional facility, and let everybody read it, and she said it worked for her. So I dunno. :O

>_< That's horrible, I know this isn't much help but don't worry TOO much over it, alright? :/ Of COURSE you're going to worry, that's only natural, it's your mother...but don't overdo it to the point that it affects your mind and body badly, I'm sure your mom wouldn't want you to feel that way...*hugs*
Don't shut yourself in mentally either, sometimes people have to share things to feel better...that's what friends are for right? If they're friends they will listen & try to help with your problem.

I know this probably isn't much help, but I'm ALWAYS there for anyone that needs to vent a problem, even if I can't help, I'll listen. Don't stress too much kay? :(

Yeah I see what you mean and what you're saying. Thanks for the concern and for the offer for support, it's very assuring.

A lot of people say that to me, actually, to open up and say what's on my mind. But I never do, I'm too afraid of inflicting some type of mental pain upon people... that's just something that developed during my childhood and my experiences. I don't know how to help it. :(

Also, please don't take this offensively, as I truly don't mean it to be offensive at all...but when your mother comes back, is there any way you can get her to join a rehabillation (I can't spell that word ><) center so she can try & quit the drugs? :/ Just ignore this though for the moment, there's more important things than this atm, like hoping she's safe (I really do hope so for you, I'm not religious and don't really pray, but I'll keep her in my thoughts for you), and your own mental state...take care of yourself too

I'd never take that offensively. But, I've tried to ask her to go before, but it didn't work. But, I don't think she has any interest in cleaning herself... During her pregnancy with me, my father tried to convince her to either stop taking drugs in fear that something would happen to me, or to get an abortion. Of course, he tried to get her to take option A, but she chose option C: none of the above. And so of course, I was born with some problems, like bad liver and blindness in one eye, etc. But when I was three years old, her serious drug problem finally pushed my dad over his limit and he left my mother, and my sister and I were left alone with her. Then when I was eight, the state government forced my mother to give us up for adoption because the CPS (Child Protection Services) found out what was going on at my home, due to people at my school, the stores I'd go to so late at night, they all knew something was up. Luckily, my father took us in. Then when my little brother was two years old, the state forced her to give him up too, because of her drug problem. And now, in 2004, her drug problem got my step father involved with them, and it got him killed.

What saddens me the most, is I'll never forget the fourth of July in 2004. My step-father and I were driving towards this park where there was going to be a big bbq, performances and other things, and we were driving alone. And he pulled me into a serious conversation, and confessed his serious addiction for cocaine, and my mother's. And he said he's trying his hardest from that point on to try to stop himself and get my mother to clean herself, because he said, and his exact words were: "If this problem stays any more serious, it's going to kill me". And he seriously did try. But she kept pulling him back in. Well, that drug problem... led to my step-father's death. It tore me apart because he was like my guide in my personal development... whenever I had a problem I'd talk to him about it before talking to my real father about it. I've been on the road to mental recovery ever since the day I found out he was gone forever, and I've been journeying alone, so to say.

Gah, I'm ranting, sorry. It's just all of this crap cycles, and relates to each other somehow. It's like a sequence of events..

[Mirae]

Yeah, you're right I guess. That's one of the main reasons I'm effected by this stuff, cause when I start feeling bad about it, I know my little brother and my neice are effected by it too. And it makes me feel worse about it. I don't know how to stop doing that anymore, I've been doing it for so long. Sometimes I feel like it's a never ending cycle.
Well, yeah, I can see what you mean but there's YOU, as well...just open up a little and vent about it, just maybe not around your little brother & niece if they're badly affected by it, y'know? Cropping things up inside is a bad idea, over time it will make you feel worse than if you've shared it with someone...and eventually your feelings will "explode" if you will, because you've held it in for too long =/


As odd as this sounds, my sister is trying to convince me to write an autobiography and let all these people read it who put this stress on me, and let them see what kind of things I did and went through when they pulled their little spasms, so they became knowledgeable on what happened. I find no purpose in it though. I don't see what doing such a thing would accomplish. My sister wrote her life story while spending nine months in a correctional facility, and let everybody read it, and she said it worked for her. So I dunno. :O
Well, don't do something if you don't want to do it :P Autobriographies mentally help some people, feels good to write it down ya know? It's a form of venting...some people feel better knowing that other people might realise they're not alone by reading their biographies. It's up to the person though.


Yeah I see what you mean and what you're saying. Thanks for the concern and for the offer for support, it's very assuring.
Anytime at all when you need to talk, send me a message, you're very welcome, any support I can give at all.

A lot of people say that to me, actually, to open up and say what's on my mind. But I never do, I'm too afraid of inflicting some type of mental pain upon people... that's just something that developed during my childhood and my experiences. I don't know how to help it. :(
Hmm, well don't worry about others so much that it affects yourself so negatively =/ Personally I'd be more worried if I knew my friend was keeping these heavy emotions to himself causing him to feel depressed, than if he shared it and I knew what was on his mind. If you really don't feel comfortable sharing stuff though, and you're sure it doesn't have a bad effect on you, it's alright, but it's usually better to let it out, ya know?


I'd never take that offensively. But, I've tried to ask her to go before, but it didn't work. But, I don't think she has any interest in cleaning herself... During her pregnancy with me, my father tried to convince her to either stop taking drugs in fear that something would happen to me, or to get an abortion. Of course, he tried to get her to take option A, but she chose option C: none of the above. And so of course, I was born with some problems, like bad liver and blindness in one eye, etc. But when I was three years old, her serious drug problem finally pushed my dad over his limit and he left my mother, and my sister and I were left alone with her. Then when I was eight, the state government forced my mother to give us up for adoption because the CPS (Child Protection Services) found out what was going on at my home, due to people at my school, the stores I'd go to so late at night, they all knew something was up. Luckily, my father took us in. Then when my little brother was two years old, the state forced her to give him up too, because of her drug problem. And now, in 2004, her drug problem got my step father involved with them, and it got him killed.

What saddens me the most, is I'll never forget the fourth of July in 2004. My step-father and I were driving towards this park where there was going to be a big bbq, performances and other things, and we were driving alone. And he pulled me into a serious conversation, and confessed his serious addiction for cocaine, and my mother's. And he said he's trying his hardest from that point on to try to stop himself and get my mother to clean herself, because he said, and his exact words were: "If this problem stays any more serious, it's going to kill me". And he seriously did try. But she kept pulling him back in. Well, that drug problem... led to my step-father's death. It tore me apart because he was like my guide in my personal development... whenever I had a problem I'd talk to him about it before talking to my real father about it. I've been on the road to mental recovery ever since the day I found out he was gone forever, and I've been journeying alone, so to say.

Gah, I'm ranting, sorry. It's just all of this crap cycles, and relates to each other somehow. It's like a sequence of events..
People that are addicted to drugs usually won't want to give it up themselves..=/ it's very tough to get them to get clean...it'd be great if you could convince her to go somehow, but I know it's very unlikely =/ it's tough, I'm sorry >.<
Lastly, stop apoligising for "ranting", you're not even ranting, this is part of venting too, and perfectly understandable :P I'm pretty sure noone minds (and if they do, sorry but screw 'em >.>)

[Depu Techiikue]

Well, yeah, I can see what you mean but there's YOU, as well...just open up a little and vent about it, just maybe not around your little brother & niece if they're badly affected by it, y'know? Cropping things up inside is a bad idea, over time it will make you feel worse than if you've shared it with someone...and eventually your feelings will "explode" if you will, because you've held it in for too long =/

Well, don't do something if you don't want to do it :P Autobriographies mentally help some people, feels good to write it down ya know? It's a form of venting...some people feel better knowing that other people might realise they're not alone by reading their biographies. It's up to the person though.

Yeah, I've had that happen a few times, where I've just exploded. I hate it when it happens, because it's hard for me to calm myself down and control my actions sometimes. It actually just happened again not too long ago.

Anytime at all when you need to talk, send me a message, you're very welcome, any support I can give at all.

Hmm, well don't worry about others so much that it affects yourself so negatively =/ Personally I'd be more worried if I knew my friend was keeping these heavy emotions to himself causing him to feel depressed, than if he shared it and I knew what was on his mind. If you really don't feel comfortable sharing stuff though, and you're sure it doesn't have a bad effect on you, it's alright, but it's usually better to let it out, ya know?

Yeah I see what you mean. But it's weird, I've been that way my whole life, starting with my sister. Worrying about her started the whole thing, it's weird. I was around five when I started putting burdens on my shoulders worrying about other people. My grandmother who acted as my mother said I should stop doing that, she said it was ruining my "mentality". But I never listened to her. It's hard to help it. :(

People that are addicted to drugs usually won't want to give it up themselves..=/ it's very tough to get them to get clean...it'd be great if you could convince her to go somehow, but I know it's very unlikely =/ it's tough, I'm sorry >.<
Lastly, stop apoligising for "ranting", you're not even ranting, this is part of venting too, and perfectly understandable :P I'm pretty sure noone minds (and if they do, sorry but screw 'em >.>)

Yeah, I agree. I don't see how she wouldn't want to quit though... she's lost so much because of it, yet she keeps crawling into it. I know she can do it if she wanted to, she stayed clean for more than a year after my step-father's passing. She's just acting like a child in all of it.

I actually just talked to my grandmother about 30 min ago, and she said the detective is going on vacay for two weeks, so that's two weeks of no word or anything. :( It's like I'm waiting for bad news. One thing I've been thinking about is this quote from a philosopher from the 1800's. His quote was:

Waiting for good news is living through bad news.

I'm starting to see truth in that, and seeing the meaning it brings into this situation. But then again, that's all I really can do.

But I must thank you all, especially you Kimdo, you guys have been helping me become more logical with the situation and cheering me up.

[Xyrin]

But I must thank you all, especially you Kimdo, you guys have been helping me become more logical with the situation and cheering me up.

..What else are friends for? ^^;

[Depu Techiikue]

^ Thanks.

Hmm, I've gotten a little more worried today. Edited this part out -- don't feel like sharing it anymore.

Then finally when nine o'clock AM rolled by a few hours later, I decided to call my grandmother and see if she heard anything, just to reassure myself. Usually when I have dreams about something happening to someone close to me, it usually does happen. >_<

Anyway, my grandmother said she hasn't heard anything so she doubts it at this moment. But she said she looked at the cell phone bill my mother just got for this month, and it shows everyone she's called. Well, my grandmother tried to call some of those people to see if they knew anything... and something I couldn't believe happened... She called every single number on that list (except for my numbers), and every single number was disconnected. Every last one of them. The only one she didn't try was Denise (the girl I mentioned earlier who lives out in Haiwii).

This is insane... how could every last number be disconnected? My grandmother said there were at least... at LEAST 150 different numbers on that list. Not a single one works. Not even my mother's old friends number's work... this is too strange. I don't know what's going on here, but it doesn't sound good. :(

[Depu Techiikue]

Sorry for the double post, but there is a new update.

Another detective has been on the case, and found out my mother has been using her bank card to draw out money. They linked her card to her latest withdrawal, which was on July 11th, and they went to the bank. They got some survelliance pictures of my mother withdrawing her money at the ATM, and my grandmother went into the station late last night and verified it was my mother. She told me my mother's skin looks very dried up, wrinkly, deformed in a way, there's extra skin that just hangs from her body, and her face is puffed in. The detectives told my grandmother that they know this woman (who has been verified as my mother) is currently living out in Silver Lake, which is just about 10-15 minutes from my house.

My grandmother knows that there is someone out there named Doug who is heavily into cocaine, and has a harley davidson motorcycle. Well, my mother has been obsessed with those motorcycles ever since I was a baby. So to her that's the best of both worlds. So my grandmother is guessing she is living with him. Her car is still impounded. Her storage bill is way over due, so they decided to pretty much dump all of her things she had in there, her lawyer can't get a hold of her at all, she's letting her life slip away. She doesn't care about anyone or anything anymore except her drugs. So, I say.. **** her. I'm done tearing myself apart all the time over her. She's made her choice of what she wants, so now it's time for me to make mine. :mad: