Exchange x Heat
19-07-2006, 17:16
My lips -s n a g- on barbed-wire fences of words.
They wish to be fish hooks
that halt my speech:
{reeling, reeling}
catching reservations
like a five-star host
in the trendiest Hollywood hotspot.
I work to find the smiles
that lit our faces two nights before,
when caffiene exploded through our veins
and our words were fireworks lit to praise the sky,
but jaded visages like old, oily pictures
hang, still,
left from past tenants
(the landlord lies lazy in the room next door).
While I waded through the crop
circles
impressed in your eyes,
you nailed foolish hopes to the walls
as the wind stole
caution from your icy grip.
Even Rosa Parks would have been impressed
while I asked/tempted/forced/pleaded/begged
you to leave
[your key in the tray by the door].
The verbosity of each fish hook r-e--e---l-----s
and now my eyes are glass:
I hang, stuffed, on the wall of your heart:
conquered
(and, for some reason, I assumed blue eyes never lost their color,
but all I see is grey).
The formatting didn't work, so I had to edit it a little. The desired effect of typography was lost, but it wasn't that imposing anyway.
Critiques are much appreciated! Rip it apart, please. It's the only way anyone gets better! :)
They wish to be fish hooks
that halt my speech:
{reeling, reeling}
catching reservations
like a five-star host
in the trendiest Hollywood hotspot.
I work to find the smiles
that lit our faces two nights before,
when caffiene exploded through our veins
and our words were fireworks lit to praise the sky,
but jaded visages like old, oily pictures
hang, still,
left from past tenants
(the landlord lies lazy in the room next door).
While I waded through the crop
circles
impressed in your eyes,
you nailed foolish hopes to the walls
as the wind stole
caution from your icy grip.
Even Rosa Parks would have been impressed
while I asked/tempted/forced/pleaded/begged
you to leave
[your key in the tray by the door].
The verbosity of each fish hook r-e--e---l-----s
and now my eyes are glass:
I hang, stuffed, on the wall of your heart:
conquered
(and, for some reason, I assumed blue eyes never lost their color,
but all I see is grey).
The formatting didn't work, so I had to edit it a little. The desired effect of typography was lost, but it wasn't that imposing anyway.
Critiques are much appreciated! Rip it apart, please. It's the only way anyone gets better! :)