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Depu Techiikue
27-07-2006, 22:17
Well, much to my surprise, I opened my personal e-mail inbox this morning and saw an e-mail from the ever so missing... mother of mine. This is what it said:

Tanya edited out my last name and my mother's email
To: edited out my personal e-mail

Subject: (No Subject)

just wanted to let you know I am ok took a vacation (kinda) had to get away.................just got access to computer I have no phone..............SORRY....................I LOVE YOU >>>>mom

Now, my reply... has questioned my instincts. I haven't set the reply YET, so I do not know if this is the right thing to do. I don't know if this will help the situation, or worsen it. I just opened up my past and let my fingers go. So you'll see me opening up things I've never even hinted towards. But I don't care anymore. Life is a knife in the back, and if you pull it out, then you die and pass the knife onto those who care about you most.

Here is my reply I wrote and saved to my drafts folder....

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It's surprising to hear from you. These last thirteen weeks have been hell for me. With Gram getting worse, dad is starting to drink a lot more now, to the point where he can't even walk, and I'm the one who's left to carry him around. He keeps talking about how much life sucks, and if you remember correctly, the last time he did that, I had to call the ambulance to come save him. So I have him to worry about, and then Gram. Not only is she sick nearly every day, but she's like a walking twig now. She weighs virtually nothing. And a burden has been put on her shoulders because she knows how tore up I've been every day these last few months, and then the bullshit with dad is eating her up too. On top of that, I've been worried about what all of this is doing to Danny and Tiana. All of this is eating me alive, and you pulling your stunt has added to my anger, my confusion, my desire to give up, my depression, the death of my will to go on.

It's time for you to grow up and realize you're a parent. Do you remember the days you'd call me early in the morning and promise me you would come over and take me out with you for the day? And then late at night you'd call saying "oh this happened so I couldn't come over, I'll be there tomorrow, I promise." And the next day came, the same phone call. And then the next day came, the same phone call. Did you know, every single day you said you'd be coming over, I would sit in the driveway and wait... all day long. I was stupid enough to believe you, to trust you, to put my hopes into you. I've been this way all my life. Whenever you said something to me, I wanted to believe it. I told myself, 'Maybe she's changed...' But you haven't. You've stricken me, you've left me scarred for life. When dad let you come stay with us, the day you left suddenly... I sat and waited for you to come back for the entire time you were gone. That's why he got so angry when you returned. I've always blamed myself for what happened when you came back that day, and I couldn't ever face myself for waiting for you.

And I've always blamed myself for you losing legal custody of Candi and I. When the detectives and lawyers came in, asking us all those questions. "How often does your mother come out of her room? How many nights do you go to bed hungry? What do you do when you get home from school? How do you get to and from school? Does your mother work? Does this happen, does that occur, do these sound familiar." I'll never forget the days I was being verbally bombarded with questions that ultimately led to the state taking us away. I cried so much after that because I finally realized what I had done, and I saw how much it killed you. But at the time, I didn't know what to do, I was only eight years old. That's why I've always shown you as much love as I have. Dad and Gram dislike it because of everything you've put me through. You used to not even call me on my birthday and say "Happy Birthday" to me. I would sit all day at my birthday parties, WAITING for you to call me and just say those two words. I'd completely ignore my friends, Dad, Gram, Jackie, everyone. They were always there, giving me love. Out of all the presents I got, and the love, all I wanted... was that phone call from you.

I've always felt like you were going to be apart of me. But I was wrong. All those times Rodney came in and busted me open and spilled my blood, I thought you'd come in and save me from his anger, his aggression. But not once did you show up. I have always felt like I am not worthy enough to your standards. Those nights when I would have horrific nightmares when I was five years old, and I'd wake up crying my lungs out, and run to your room screaming for you. I'd pound on your bedroom door endless times, trying to open it, but you locked yourself in there with Rodney and your drugs. When we went to New Orleans, and both Tony and Rodney were giving us shit, and still beating Candi and I until we couldn't move, I'd still always wait for you to pull me out of the situation. But still, not once did you ever come. The time Rodney just dumped Candi and I are Lori's house, and not once did she let us call you, and never let Candi and I be around each other, I grew a hatred for her. During ages three to eight, Candi was all I had, and I was all she had. Two sibblings, living in hell, and we couldn't even speak to each other for the whole time we were there. When we left I told Lori I never wanted to see her again, regardless if she was my oldest sister's best friend.

It's a good thing Candi went to the police when she did and told them about Rodney, because shortly before that Dad found out what he was doing to us, and grew angry especially with what he was doing to Candi. I'll never forget the day dad came over with the intention of killing in his eyes. That prick you considered a boyfriend was lucky he ran away when he did. And I swore to myself, whether it costs me my life or not, if I ever see Rodney again, I will take his life myself. But all of these emotions suddenly changed when I met John. I felt to myself he could change you, he could save you. But slowly over time he began his addiction to your favorite drugs. He fell victim to the same things that ruined you. My hopes died down in him saving you, but I still put my trust in him, I still believed in him. He was the best thing to ever happen to you, because he openly accepted our entire family and showed us so much love, just because of how much he loved you.

I remember the nights I'd call John just a year ago, confessing my confusion to him and my anger, my depression and asking for guidance. He was the only person who listen to every word I had to say without interrupting and trying to deny my feelings, I instantly grew attached to him. The nights I just wanted to die, I would call him, and talk to him about my problems, he'd walk with me through the pits of my depression. I felt like he was more like a father than a step father. He was so close to me, he showed me things I never knew about myself. He pulled me out of my never-ending depression and put me into a position where I could smile and mean it again. But the drug addictions... just didn't stop. Things got worse. You two began fighting a lot. It tore me apart because I knew I loved you, but I cared about him so much too. Things got worse from there. I'll never forget the day he told me that if he didn't stop using drugs, it would kill him, because it did. Then the day he told me he was tired of seeing you so dumped about having little leisure money, just being able to pay your bills since you can't work. He told me didn't have any ways but one to save you from that feeling. Then just a few weeks later... my grandmother calls me and tells me he died the night before... I'll never forget the nights you and I stayed up outside together, just staring into the sky reminiscing about the times he brought us happiness, guidance, love, respect. I felt lost, like every thing I worked for to make myself happy again died. If it wasn't for him, I probably would have gave up on life long ago and just confronted death.

But no... you choose to continue to destroy yourself and put yourself in an atmosphere where drugs run everything for you. You've completely forgotten you have a son who is only eight years old, and is in a position similar to mine when I was eight years old. It's too late for me, but change yourself for him. Save yourself for his future. Value his life, mother. Show him that there is still a "you" in your heart. I thought that John's death would have changed you, but I was wrong. You watched the man who saved you die just feet in front of you. You watched him get shot to death. You watched him crying one minute, then lying on the ground bleeding into a puddle the next. And you know more than any of us, it was the drugs that did it. Stop doing this to yourself, mother. If you won't stop for yourself, stop for your family. And if you won't stop for your family, stop for John's cause. And if you won't stop for John's cause, then I guess there's nothing left, is there?

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Since you've probably forgot what the hell I posted this for, I'm debating if this is a good idea or not to send this back to her. What do you all think?

Tharrick
27-07-2006, 23:33
Personally, I think you've not been harsh enough. But since I can't think of any way you could make it harsher without becoming vulgar, I say send it.

Dr. Aeyze
28-07-2006, 15:16
I think it's just right.

I only read over it once, but it's clear, concise, it takes charge as it should. As Tharrick says, I think you should send it (though I know the final decision is nothing to do with us as spectators), I don't think there's anyway to make it more harsh without uing vulgarities, which is something I think would be a thing to avoid.

Tsuji
28-07-2006, 15:37
Naww you're not being too harsh if you ask me, considering the situation and how things went. I think it's just perfect, I probably would have ended up saying something similar like that if I was in the situation(I know I don't know what it's like but I can quite imagine if I was in that situation, I would end up saying something similar just like that). So I think it's fine to send really, it's just reality knocking on her door if you ask me. I personally think it's fine, considering what you've been through.

Fayt
28-07-2006, 23:36
If that's what she's put you through. I think she deserves this e-mail. No offense.

Hideto
29-07-2006, 15:03
I think its bang on, I don't there is any email that is too harsh after what she has done to you. Its finally time you made her see what shes doing

Grae
29-07-2006, 16:28
You're obviously attempting to take charge of the situation and you're reflecting upon things that have happened in your past, things that have hurt both of you I'm sure. Also you're showing her where she's going wrong, and this is not a bad thing, but just be careful, this email could very well push her further away. Why did she run away? To run away from her problems? I just feel if you hit her with this so suddenly it might do more bad than good.

Just want you to be careful, you haven't seen your mom in a while, you don't know what kind of state she's in or what's going through her mind right now as you've had no contact with her, so tread carefully.

Personally, I would have just told her I loved her, I missed her and I wanted to have her back as soon as possible and that you were upset but you understood that she had problems, but I'd also tell her that running away is no answer to those problems.

And things like that, in the email, telling her she has a responsibility and bringing up the past are reminders of what's stressing her, and I think it would be better to voice your opinions on those subjects with her face to face.

Belazor
30-07-2006, 03:21
Personally I don't see how that email is any different from the phone calls you mentioned. You closed your previous thread before I could say "good on you, mate" for finally channeling the courage to take the stance towards her that you did.
I understand that you want to try to save her, but with all the things that happened in her life, do you honestly think words are gonna do it? Im not excluding the possibility that she could turn around, but to change that Grae said, I will tell you to thread carefully in the trusting her. Even if she says to your face that she will change, you have to remain stone cold and say "Prove it" or something to this effect.
Soften yourself up again, deviate from the attitude you showed in the previous post, and you know exactly where things will end. Right down in the same gutter, and who knows if that's the final straw that will push you or another family member into doing something illegal in all civilised parts of the world.

I realise that because she's your mum, you can't just look at her and say "owells, sod this", but Im just asking you to not put too much faith into her. Having spent the first 14 years of my life living next to the Salvation Army's home for alcos and druggies, I am not that far away from you in the knowledge of what drugs can do to people.
You know that if she fails you again, you will only end up right back where you said you've had enough of being.

If she don't prove that she's ready to sod the drugs once and for all, you have to cut her loose and focus your energy on patching up the remains of your family. Do it if not for your mothers sake or your own, but do it for your familys. If you keep her in your lives, you will only put the "new" 8 year old through the same hell as you went through, which I doubt you would want.
Cutting her slack is exactly what's let her fall this far, continue to thread carefully now and you certainly won't make matters any better.

Don't focus on rejuvenating her. Focus on making things better for the rest of your family, and don't let her be a part of it unless she's actually showing you that she can contribute to said repairing.

Yuna_03
30-07-2006, 18:51
i personally think your not being too harsh because i think your mum should not have gone on holiday and left you with someone else
i really think u need to be more harsh to her

Depu Techiikue
31-07-2006, 18:11
Thanks everyone for the advice and tips. Yeah Grae, that's exactly what I was worried about, pushing her further away. That's the main reason why I was so hesitant in sending it, I didn't know what it would do, and I didn't know when she would come around to reading it, and her current condition when she does will play a big role in what these words do to her.

Thanks Belazor for the advice. I see what you mean, and I agree that not focusing enough on myself and my family will lead to bad things, it's happened before. But it's weird, I've always felt guilty for bringing pain to my mother. Everytime I'm involved in something that she fights with someone over, it's my fault the fight started in the first place. So I've kind of felt like I owed it to her to try and help her, help change her. My grandmother (the one who treats me like a son) has always been mad that I trust her so much and put so much faith in her, because she knows nothing will change with my mother, and all it does is hurt me in the end. Lately I've been feeling so lost and confused, I don't really know what to do about the situation anymore. I think it's weird though that she wouldn't even contact me... it's like she's trying to hide something. She knows I hate it when she messes with her stupid drugs because it screws with her head so much. She's probably having the time of her life with that crackhead with the motorcycle.

Would it be a better idea to wait and say these things until my mother goes to prison? That way she can't have any drugs or anything to mess with her for years, and she'll be able to think about my words as her normal self. She'll have a LOT of time to find her true wants and needs, and her true family (if she cares enough), because she'll be in there for at least five years. That way I know she'll at least be thinking about it...

And Yuna, she didn't actually go on a vacation or anything when she dumped my sister and I at Lori's house. She just didn't want us around the house anymore, so she had us literally dumped at this demon's house. I've always hated her for what went on during that period. At my high school graduation party, my older sister who is friends with her was like "I'll bring Lori to the party, she hasn't seen you in a long time." And my response was "And there's a reason for that. If you think about bringing her along, don't dare show up. I will not hold myself responsible for what I do." or something along those lines, it was a year ago. Anyway, it's a good thing she didn't bring Lori, because I got pissed off enough during the party, and having her there would have pushed me over the edge. I can only control my anger until it gets to a certain point.

Belazor
01-08-2006, 11:30
I realise you feel guilty since that's what you've been "programmed" with ever since you could talk, but you sounded like you were ready to say sod that, which is what I would say you should keep up.

It might be a better idea to wait until she's in prison, but do they have I-net there? If you planned on writing her a letter, they may deny her incoming mail.
You know what would be more efficient IMO? Wait until she's in prison then say all of this to her face, not giving her a chance to reply then just walk off. Might sound melodramatic but it sure gives the desired effect - her realising that nothing she could have said would have made a licking difference.

Also on a side note, why tf isn't she in prison already? o.o

Depu Techiikue
01-08-2006, 16:37
Yeah, I was planning on just saying it to her face in there. I would have rather said the things in this e-mail to her face, but I'm unsure if I'll be seeing her anymore.

Yeah, I do want to give up on worrying about her, but the main reason why I did so much is because I did feel guilty for everything that happened.

Well, she's gone to jail off and on here and there. But, they have three years from the date of the incident to put her on trial, so they have a little over a year left. When the incident happened, she went to jail, but my uncle bailed her out, and spent over $15,000 on getting her out and getting her a lawyer (the retaining fee was $10,000). This September 24th, they'll have one year left. But her lawyer told me she'd be spending at least five years, but he was going to try his hardest to get her off. I trust him, because he got a math teacher who had an affair with one of her students off the hook.

Yeah, saying this to her then walking off might do the situation better, forcing her into a situation where she has to think about everything she's done. It's weird, I think she might have been thinking about it before, because a long time ago she would randomly call me and say things like "I'm sorry for being such a bad mother", and I didn't say anything in response.

Belazor
02-08-2006, 12:19
That doesn't sound like the kind of lawyer you would want her to have then, seeing as she clearly needs to be in jail.
On a more humourous note, this reminds me of a quote from Black Adder season 4, when he called for a lawyer for his court marshal, and said "The police came to the scene, found the guy with a bloody knife and blood on his clothes. A dusin whitnesses saw him commit the murder, and when the police arrested him he said 'Im glad I finally killed the bastard'. Massingbird (name of lawyer) not only got him off, but got him knighted and the victims family had to pay to wash the blood off his clothes."
My point being that your mother is clearly guilty and same was that teacher, so don't you think this bodes somewhat bad for your plan of letting your mother cool down in jail? :/

Depu Techiikue
02-08-2006, 17:05
Well, he said she's just going to be spending at least five years because of the nature of what happened and how she reacted towards the police, and also how she handled things after she was bailed out when the incident actually happened. He said she kind of put herself in a position where they could use everything she did against her. But I think she'll have lots of time to think about everything she's done. If anyone goes to visit her from my family, then they'll be saying similar things to her that I want to, only for whatever she's done to them. But I doubt anyone will go see her anyway, so that will give her a reason to think about everything's she done. But the thing that gets me is my mother is being tried just for being there when the incident happened... and she's the one spending the years in jail for it when it wasn't her who did it.

Dark Sephiroth
02-08-2006, 20:17
i dont think you are being harsh enough if she left you and went on holiday (no offence or anything)

Depu Techiikue
04-08-2006, 20:06
Yeah, but she didn't go on holiday though when she dropped us off at Lori's. She just got sick of being around us, so she just dumped us at Lori's. >_<

Finally after being stuck there for so long and hating it, my dad came to get us. It was a risky move on his part, too, because my mother always threatened my father that she would call the cops on him if he came near us without her consent and claim he did this or that, and my mother is very good at lying.

Wakizashi
04-08-2006, 20:23
well, hopefully ur dad won't get into any trouble. but i still say that wat u said wasn't to harsh.

Yuna_03
04-08-2006, 23:02
i still agree with Wakizashi i dont think u were being too harsh
yeah parents do get fed up sometimes but they should never dump their children at someone elses house and go on holiday its just not kool