Script

[Kaizero]

Not really sure if this is the correct subforum to post this in, but yeah, it's the one I found most proper for it anyways. Just like.. move it if it's posted in an awfully wrong place =P

Alrighties, this is a project me and Dalton have been working on for, well, quite some time actually. We've just never really gotten started on the actual writing. But now that we've gathered most of our ideas and mixed them we're just about ready to get this thing going. Or well, I'm going to write most of the script, Dalton's role is really just the one of bringing new ideas to the writing process and supervising that everything that gets written is what it should be according to the main idea.

But yeah, we'd like some critique and stuff on the idea and stuffs. I've decided to not go *totally* into detail as I'm not really too fond of the idea of publishing my actual work online where people could just waltz in and claim it as their own. But yeah, would anybody here be interested in watching a film series about the below plot outline? 'cause if you are, I'd be more than happy to like, show you a more advanced outline and lines from the actual script over MSN or something.

Anyways, critique please?

Plot Outline: Where do the human race come from? We have many different theories, and many different humans believing in those theories. But the actual truth is something none of these people would ever come to belive, with an exception of just a few. One man had alone survived the supposedly "failed" American attempt on being the first nation to reach Mars with humans. And this mans survival would not only shock an entire civilization, but bring newborn hope to a forgotten one, and make an organization never to be belived as evil to show their real side. But what happens when two civilizations that once upon a time was the same civilization meet again after thousands of years? One word, war.

[Grae]

So it's a sci-fi about a guy that lands on Mars and finds a civilisation of beings that humans had evolved from?

Something similar is already out it's called Mission To Mars with Gary Sinise (the guy that was in Apollo 13 but was too sick to go, lol) where a mission to mars finds a large dome construct, upon entering all but one are killed, so they send another team up to rescue the survivor, turns out humans are direct descendents of martians over 1 billion years ago when Mars wa shit by a planet killer asteroid

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission_to_Mars

read the plot there

Though I like your idea, not many movies focus on the idea of Panspermia

[Kaizero]

Yups :P I've seen it http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c75/Kaizero/HPIM0401.jpg lol

But yeah, the plot is rather similar to that one. But there's still some significant differences in plot lines and all that, which would make the two films very different. Even though they both really revolve about the same things. Ah what the hell, I'll just go into detail on the plot :P

Firstly, the humans that are on earth now are direct descendants of humans that existed up on Mars many thousand years back, they were sent down to earth after a failed rebellion against the superior species of Martians. As a punishment they were to be sent away from the more technological superior Mars, and to Tellus, a small rather dead planet close to Mars. There they would be supervised by some selected Martians so they would never come close to the technology the Martians knew, because then they could prove dangerous if they were ever to return. The Martians used the legendary continent, Atlantis for this purpose. Where they also installed a weapon which could end the world in an instant in case the humans would ever become a threath. But as we all know, Atlantis sunk in the ocean way back in time. Why? Many people have wondered about the answer. But they looked the wrong places.

Far away back on Mars, Olympus Mons has a volcanic eruption. An eruption that leaves Mars in ruins, with an exception of the county 'Cydonia'. Cydonia was the most technolohical advanced city on Mars, and they had managed to find a way to survive through everything the volcanic eruption would bring of enviromental damage.

Now, let's jump a bit into the present time of the story.

First some information about the how NASA really is in this film: The workers of NASA are humans that remembers the legend of Cydonia, the city of extreme knowledge and technology. And they're convinced that the Mars civilization still is present up there, holding the answers to every question they have in life. So their goal is to eventually go up there, and claim back the planet their ancestors had lived on. By any means necassary. And until then, they have to keep the earth population unnaware of the fact that the answer actually was out there, on Mars.

Now them, the hero of the story gets chosen to be the first human on Mars. But what he doesn't know, is that this was nothing but a publicity stunt by NASA. They had deliberately programmed the spacecraft in a way so that when it'd come close to Mars, the engine would break down, and a crash would be unavoidable. And when that happened, nobody on earth would be wanting to send more people up there for many, many years.

Ah well, that's about what I want to spoil of the plot so far <_< Sorry if some parts don't make much sense, I'm rather tired :P Just ask if there's something you're wondering about.

[Grae]

ok, is this set in present day?

I think the idea of people in NASA wanting to find out the truth because they know Cydonia was a vast technoligically advanced city is a bit silly, especially when "NASA" programmed the craft to fail, why would they do that, is that not contradictory?

The idea that people in NASA have remembered (discovered better, maybe?) the secret of Cydonia is a bit unbelievable IMHO, maybe revise that bit

[Kaizero]

It's set in present day.

And yeah, the idea of NASA remembering isn't really the best one. And discovering does sound better, but there'd be many ideas for the script that'd need some revising then. But there *has* to be someone on earth, preferably an organization with some power, that remembers/discovers Cydonia. (Which was why NASA was chosen to begin with, I think. It was Dalton who brought in them first. So only he knows that, really :P) Because otherwise the currently planned ending won't make any sense at all xD

[Grae]

what about a private organisation, like kthe largest company on the planet, run by an entrepreneur with dreams of space flight, discovers a ruin that tells the tale of earth's first inhabitants, and privately funds an expidition into space

edit: heh not that i'm trying to change your script just trying to make an idea, i don't know ^^'

[Kaizero]

:P The idea is great! ^^ And it beats using NASA as a villain-ish type on way many levels. If it's alright with you I'd like to try and in someway incorporate that idea into the script.

But like, I'll still have to talk to Dalton, since it was his idea to use NASA an' all <_<

[Dale Anthony]

what about a private organisation, like kthe largest company on the planet, run by an entrepreneur with dreams of space flight, discovers a ruin that tells the tale of earth's first inhabitants, and privately funds an expidition into space

edit: heh not that i'm trying to change your script just trying to make an idea, i don't know ^^'

I'm not saying it's a bad idea, I actually really like it! But...it sounds like Deus Ex. I can't say much however, NASA doesn't justify a good enough stand-in for a "private organisation" and it may sound a bit silly but what you've incorporated is an idea straight from a PS2 game. Majestic 12 in Deus Ex, sound very similar to that idea.

[Grae]

I've never heard of Deus Ex, I'll have to look into that. I like your idea for a movie, I love books and movies and articles that explore the idea that humans could have come from some extraterrestrial source, so keep me updated ony our script ideas and I'll keep giving my opinion.

but really like I said I just think that the idea there are people keeping such an old secret to themselves is a little farfetched, but it's these pernickity details you need to work out so you can create a story that not only makes them think but it is a well thought out story and people will appreciate it when you have all ends covered.

[Dale Anthony]

I've never heard of Deus Ex, I'll have to look into that. I like your idea for a movie, I love books and movies and articles that explore the idea that humans could have come from some extraterrestrial source, so keep me updated ony our script ideas and I'll keep giving my opinion.

but really like I said I just think that the idea there are people keeping such an old secret to themselves is a little farfetched, but it's these pernickity details you need to work out so you can create a story that not only makes them think but it is a well thought out story and people will appreciate it when you have all ends covered.

It's a good game and thanks for the feedback! Your ideas'll help because I already know how keen you are on movies and seeing as Kai's on writing a script, I don't see why I can't pen down a book whilst he's on. I've got a long wait before I'd be cast in anything!